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Post by Hitch on Nov 6, 2017 11:40:42 GMT -6
Post em if you got em!!
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient
about his daily activity level.
He described a typical day this way:
“Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills,
stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
“You must be one h3ll of an outdoorsman!”
”NAH,” he replied, “I'm just a sh!tty golfer.”
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Post by tonymontana on Nov 6, 2017 12:05:34 GMT -6
Man gets on an elevator and there stands the sexiest woman he's ever seen wearing a mini-skirt.
A few flights go by and he asks the lady, "Can I smell your pu$$y?"
She looks at him, absolutely disgusted and screams "No you can't smell my pu$$y!!!"
The man shrugs and says, "Hmm must be your feet."
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Post by TOBC on Nov 6, 2017 12:39:59 GMT -6
after a football game one friday night, the cheerleaders from a catholic school are riding back home.
tragically on the way home, the bus driver fell asleep and the bus went off the side of a bridge and all the cheerleaders passed away.
next thing they know they are all lined up at the pearly gates and looking at St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl in the line if she had ever touched a man's p3nis. She replied that she had touched one with her finger before. St. Peter told her to dip her finger into the holy water before her and after that she could enter through the pearly gates.
He asks the next girl in line the same question. Her reply was that she had groped one with her entire hand. He tells her to dip her hand in the holy water and that she may enter as well.
As St. Peter is about to ask the next girl in line the same question he looks up and sees a girl from the back of the line sprinting up to him.
St. Peter says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa...........what's your hurry???"
Girls looks him dead in the eye and says "hey man......I need to gargle some of that holy water before Mary over here sticks her a$$ in it!!"
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Post by TOBC on Nov 6, 2017 12:51:05 GMT -6
here's a stud joke:
there were these 3 g@y couples. all dudes. they always planned everything around so that they could hang out and grill out, drink, etc whenever they could. they had all been friends and meat grinders for a long time.
anywho........one year one of the partners dies from cancer. a few months later another partner of one of the other couples dies of a heart attack. and a month after that another partner dies.
so the wierdos (not sure what to call a g@y widow) all had their partners cremated and got together to talk about what they were going to do with their significant other's ashes.
the first says, "you know.....larry was such an avid pilot. he absolutely loved flying. i think i'll take his ashes up on a charter plane and let him be among the clouds where he always loved to be."
the next one says, "yeah.....jerry loved our boat. he loved being out on the water going skiing or fishing. i think i'll take our boat out, and spread him on the water that he so dearly cherished."
the last one, not to be outdone, says "oh lawd.....harry was the best lover ever. there was no match to him ever. i think i'll go home, make a pot of spicy chili, put him in it, and let him tear my a$$ up just one more time!"
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Post by TOBC on Nov 6, 2017 13:08:14 GMT -6
there were some i've only give a chuckle to. most get chortles....
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Post by dieselfitter on Nov 6, 2017 13:20:28 GMT -6
Stud naked...................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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Post by tcb on Nov 6, 2017 14:07:27 GMT -6
An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar......I only know because they told everybody within two minutes.
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