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Post by TOBC on Dec 7, 2017 10:39:07 GMT -6
In a Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon after having a giant Mexican buffet for lunch and felt that first gurgle in the lower pit of my gut. Tried to ignore at first but the gurgles and bubbles and twisting pains got steadily worse. Told the wife I'd be right back, she rolled her eyes as she knew what about to transpire, and did a (to lose Lebowski logic) quarter walk, quarter run, quarter tight rope, quarter butt cheek pinch, quarter wobble to the bathroom that, of course, is clear across the store. Sweat is gathering on my brow and I can feel a drop of the cool perspiration slide down my back. I open the door and the big handicap stall is taken so I squeeze into the first stall and, as is expected, the seat is covered with who knows what. I have to make a split second decision: do I have time to wipe down the seat and lay down a seat cover or do I have to unbuckle the belt and unleash the hounds. The decision is made as the gurgles get louder and become more powerful so I enter the hover stage and let loose. The guy in the handicap stall next to me lets out an audible gasp and I hear the words "what the fck" muttered under his breath as he quickly exits. I do the deed, drop the kids, their cousins, the dog, and all their friends off at the pool and reach to the toilet paper container. Give a gentle tug and nothing. Slide the lever over to get to the second roll and, you guessed it, nothing. Do a quick peek and listen and don't hear any one else in the restroom so I do a wobbly squat type walk with my pants around my ankles to the handicap stall About two shuffles in the door opens and, enter stage left, a father and two young children to the grand sight of my bare, hairy @$$ and my pants around the ankles. The dad laughs. The kids laugh. I keep shuffling, no turning back at this point. Get about 4 wipes in and realize this is one of those marker sh!ts (as in you wipe and you wipe and you wipe and you wipe and it doesn't appear to get any better). Two more wipes, more of the same, and then the inevitable happens...no more toilet paper. I text the wife, no reply. Say fck it, hitch up my pants and head out of the bathroom. The pressure of my cheeks is indescribable. Grab a 4 pack of Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Rolls and head back in. Finish what I have to do, leave the excess Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Rolls and bail. I hate having to sh!t in a public toilet. This guy is related to tobc. Hall of fame worthy. great minds think alike.
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Post by TOBC on Dec 7, 2017 10:40:58 GMT -6
maddest i've ever been............would probably be.............when stud's wife didn't put out. i was pretty hot.
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Post by xdipster on Dec 7, 2017 10:41:31 GMT -6
Not sure the maddest I've ever been, but I can tell you the maddest Lebow has ever been! Just go back and read yesterday's BANTER!!! BIL breaking the bed was pretty bad.
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Post by skinny51 on Dec 7, 2017 10:41:45 GMT -6
Bob, I had this happen to me at the Madill Walmart last year...I know the feeling...I went straight to the manager...
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Post by Hands11 on Dec 7, 2017 10:42:36 GMT -6
Not sure the maddest I've ever been, but I can tell you the maddest Lebow has ever been! Just go back and read yesterday's BANTER!!! BIL breaking the bed was pretty bad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by TOBC on Dec 7, 2017 10:44:25 GMT -6
Not sure the maddest I've ever been, but I can tell you the maddest Lebow has ever been! Just go back and read yesterday's BANTER!!! BIL breaking the bed was pretty bad. plus gobbling up about $60 worth of calzone.
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Post by Hitch on Dec 7, 2017 10:48:08 GMT -6
The older I get, the more annoying I get. The truth is the maddest I got was when I went by parents' restaurant my junior year of HS to grab a bite to eat after a pretty good workout(was a few weeks before spring break). Dad says your mom kicked me out for screwing around, and I can understand if you hate my guts. Kept getting into my face wanting me to talk about it. I choke slammed him onto a table and started to reach for a big arse knife. Sanity returned just as I got ahold of it. I think he got the jest of how I was feeling at the point. Wigglestein part deaux......
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Post by Hitch on Dec 7, 2017 10:51:31 GMT -6
Excellent.
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Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2017 10:53:33 GMT -6
One time big yellow bird stole a cookie from Cookie. Also, one time head tiger used Cookie as avatar, made Cookie mad. Cookie out for revenge!
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Post by moxWASmybackup on Dec 7, 2017 10:54:03 GMT -6
I cannot stand when you go to walmart and there are approximately 1.2 million people shopping and approximately 1.2 people working the registers to check out. Mutha Fuh(kas
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Post by TOBC on Dec 7, 2017 10:55:45 GMT -6
I cannot stand when you go to walmart and there are approximately 1.2 million people shopping and approximately 1.2 people working the registers to check out. Mutha Fuh(kas and it's the first of the month. phuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
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Post by skinny51 on Dec 7, 2017 10:56:25 GMT -6
I cannot stand when you go to walmart and there are approximately 1.2 million people shopping and approximately 1.2 people working the registers to check out. Mutha Fuh(kas I always ask them “who designed Walmart’s without all these lanes and no one working them...who ever designed this wasted a lot of money and floor space...they should be fired...” they don’t find it as amusing as I do...
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Post by TOBC on Dec 7, 2017 11:58:18 GMT -6
now they got those "self" checkouts.
if i got to check myself out, shouldn't i be getting paid like pedro over there is running an actual register?
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Post by xdipster on Dec 7, 2017 13:27:26 GMT -6
the maddest stud has ever been was the morning he woke up next to dips mom.... she was the receptionist at the weatherford city jail.... They call that the jailer, or dispatcher. And the maddest she has ever been is when she woke up next to stud, at her house, at herself.
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