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Post by strongdog on Nov 29, 2016 9:31:48 GMT -6
I find myself looking at job postings, reading the job qualification sections. You kinda get a feel for what the last guy did/didn't do by reading these. I'm bored so I figured I would translate one from this morning for your, not you're, enjoyment.
QUALIFICATIONS:
Bachelor's Degree ... we don't give a shat about a masters, we figure two more years of schoolin' is a waste (I agree) Valid Texas Teaching Certificate... well, no crap Demonstrated success in a variety of sports... last guy couldn't coach anything but football Demonstrated success in managing a dynamic and involved booster club ... kiss arse really well Demonstrated knowledge of and commitment to college recruitment processes... get kids to play at the next level, even though the gene pool is shallow Knowledge of overall operations of an athletic program ... don't be a DA Knowledge of state and UIL policies governing athletics ... know if a kid is eligible to play Ability to implement policy and procedures ... don't let players run around like inmates Ability to manage budget and personnel and coordinate district functions ... don't spend too, not to, much money Strong communication, public relations, and interpersonal skills ... kiss arse really, really well Commitment to involvement in the community and in youth sports program... have a little kid camp or something Must be willing to relocate to live within the district. .. because it looks bad on our part if you don't live where you work
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Post by Hands11 on Nov 29, 2016 9:36:16 GMT -6
HAHAHAHA!!! BOOM!!
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Post by xdipster on Nov 29, 2016 10:46:42 GMT -6
SOLID work.
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Post by TOBC on Nov 29, 2016 10:50:08 GMT -6
hit the proverbial nail on the head.
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Post by Burnet44 on Nov 29, 2016 19:56:29 GMT -6
Previous head coaching experience ..........No one in the last 60 years was a head coach before he got this job This is a JV job where others leave for real head jobs
1. Demonstrated ability to work with others...............Band is more important than fb but you better win at least 12 with no DNA or we will fire you 1A. Demonstrated ability to work with others.............Do what you are told even if we are stupid Especially what Lady Admins tell you
Highly motivated individual.................We have been getting kicked for years and no one cares or we need a cheerleader
Salary is negotiable...................We have no money
Must be able to relate to kids in a positive manner......................last guy was a hard arse and we have snowflake DNA
Very Structured in Practices and Games......................We have no discipline and expect you to do all of it for us AKA Parent Meetings Daily and we wont back you or we are tired of the bb team just running hully gully or the last guys plays were on you tube
Be able to build a program from Junior High to Highschool...........we have one class every 10 years thats 5-5 but we want 12-2 every year
Be invested in the community ....................live here and if you are a good athlete please breed here just not the SB Pres Daughter
Must Have CDL or be willing to obtain it................we need bus drivers and we dont pay for coach to drive bus to games
Immediate opening.........................................See invested in the community
Knowledge of overall operations of an athletic program.........................Paint the field we dont have turf
Bilingual a plus.................all our kids names end in Z
Possible school housing available in July...............thats the other guys last check
Recruit, select, train, supervise, and evaluate all athletic department personnel.............go find us a math, science, or advanced teck systems teacher and we will give them 100 bucks to coach
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Post by Burnet44 on Nov 29, 2016 20:08:17 GMT -6
Want someone to start at semester if possible..........................people bailed like the titanic at break
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Post by Burnet44 on Nov 29, 2016 20:38:17 GMT -6
Coach needs to be high energy, knowledgeable in WR play, and also familiar with air raid offense. Should also have knowledge in HUDL video system. I copied that straight from website Drink 47 monster drinks daily, wear visor and hair gel daily, look like GQ but coach like KK, have no knowlwdge of defense, burned all copies of Tony Franklin stuff
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Post by speed on Nov 30, 2016 8:56:53 GMT -6
Burnett what site are you on!?
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Post by bigern809 on Nov 30, 2016 9:30:01 GMT -6
These made Ern laugh
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Post by TOBC on Nov 30, 2016 10:13:06 GMT -6
burnet with some quality stuff! hahahahaha
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Post by Hitch on Nov 30, 2016 11:07:19 GMT -6
It does happen on occasion........
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Post by Burnet44 on Nov 30, 2016 17:43:25 GMT -6
thsca
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Post by duels23 on Dec 1, 2016 8:00:38 GMT -6
good stuff in this thread.
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Post by Burnet44 on Dec 4, 2016 3:18:54 GMT -6
Job Description head up and coordinate the small tennis program............................................we dont have any country clubbers
Compensation details were not included..................................WE REALLY DONT HAVE ANY MONEY
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Post by Burnet44 on Dec 6, 2016 0:11:10 GMT -6
Looking for quality assistant on the Girls side. Many possibilities for coach at either Basketball,Softball,Tennis,Volleyball, Track or Girls Soccer........................we have 2 girls coaches
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Post by Burnet44 on Dec 14, 2016 9:21:42 GMT -6
Assist in developing, teaching and instructing the student-athletes in the proper rules of play, conditioning, skills and techniques on the football field and in life-skills and leadership qualities off the field.................................................we have thugs who can play
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Post by Burnet44 on Dec 14, 2016 9:46:14 GMT -6
• Assists in establishing and maintaining a nationally competitive intercollegiate football team in the Big Ten and the NCAA................we suck and are not even a bb school • Recruits high level academically and athletically skilled students to attend school and to participate on the football team.................these people dont exist but we want you to find them
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Post by tonymontana on Dec 14, 2016 9:49:03 GMT -6
no photography of student athletes, especially the jh girls..... burnett was here previously....
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Post by strongdog on Dec 14, 2016 10:16:56 GMT -6
Special Knowledge/Skills: Knowledge of overall operations of an athletic program... MAN, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE ARE DOING Knowledge of coaching techniques and procedures... IF YOU DON'T KNOW WE HAVE DADS THAT ARE MORE THAN WILLING TO GIVE ADVICE Knowledge of federal, state, and UIL policies governing athletics... DON'T BE LICKING SYRUP OUTTA KIDS BELLYBUTTONS Ability to instruct and supervise student athletes... BABYSIT Ability to pass U.S. Department of Transportation alcohol and drug tests and annual physical... WE DRIVE PEOPLE TO ALCOHOLISM Ability to implement policy and procedures... MAKE A NICE BOOKLET OR SOMETHING Ability to interpret data... CAN YOU READ? Ability to manage budget and personnel... WE GIVE YOU SO LITTLE TO RUN A PROGRAM ITS LAUGHABLE Excellent public relations, organizational, communication, and interpersonal skills... LAST GUY WAS A REAL DOUCHEBAG Ability to speak effectively before groups of students, parents, and staff... LAST GUY ALSO STUTTERED BC OF HIS ALCOHOLISM
Experience: 3-5 years successful teaching and head coaching experience preferred... BUT WE ARE WILLING TO SETTLE FOR 2 YEARS EXPERIENCE AT THE JR.HIGH LEVEL Compensation Information Min: $41,750.00............. WE SUCK IN ATHLETICS AND DON'T PAY SHAT Max: $54,700.00............. YOU MAKE MORE AS AN ASSISTANT AT ANY OTHER SCHOOL IN THE STATE OF TEXAS
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Post by TOBC on Dec 14, 2016 10:17:50 GMT -6
no photography of student athletes, especially the jh girls..... burnett was here previously....baaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
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