Post by Burnet44 on May 7, 2017 23:53:12 GMT -6
Saw this figured the nn's understood
Poop. Dookie. Scheisse. Poo Poo. Brownies.
The shat List:
The Ghost shat
The kind where you feel shat come out, see shat on the toilet paper, but there's no shat in the bowl.
The Clean shat
The kind where you feel shat come out, see shat in the bowl, but there's no shat on the toilet paper.
The Wet shat
You wipe your arse fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your arse and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Democratic shat
You blow up like the MOABs and claim no responsibility. In fact you blame others and launch bogus investigation aimed at excusing you from any knowledge of said blow up. You frame at least 3 others to hide you guilt and call them racist since said shat was brown.
The Second Wave shat
This shat happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shat some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose shat
Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead shat". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn shat
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log shat
The kind of shat that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Nororius Drinker shat
The kind of shat you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could shat" shat
The kind where you want to shat, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The Wet Cheeks shat
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your arse so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid shat
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Food shat
A class all on its own.
The Crowd Pleaser
This shat is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer
This shat occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This shat occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book Of Records shat
A shat so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock shat
This shat has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected.
The "Honeymoon's Over" shat
This is any shat created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner
A shat so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shat has been known to resurface after many flushings.
The Ranger
A shat which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom shat
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek-A-Boo shat
Now you see it, now you don't. This shat is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell
A shat that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shat (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shatting facilities.
The Snake Charmer
A long skinny shat which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Olympic shat
This shat occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's shat.
The Back-To-Nature shat
This shat may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven shat
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shat.
Premeditated shat
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
shatzopherenia
Fear of shatting - can be fatal!
Energizer Vs. Duracell shat
Also known as a "Still Going" shat.
The Power Dump shat
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
The Liquid Plumber shat
This kind of shat is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log shat.)
The Spinal Tap shat
The kind of shat that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The "I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My arsehole" shat
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap shats. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge shat
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" shat
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The "I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny" shat
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "What The h3ll Died In Here?" shat
Also sometimes referred to as "The Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There" shat
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
Poop. Dookie. Scheisse. Poo Poo. Brownies.
The shat List:
The Ghost shat
The kind where you feel shat come out, see shat on the toilet paper, but there's no shat in the bowl.
The Clean shat
The kind where you feel shat come out, see shat in the bowl, but there's no shat on the toilet paper.
The Wet shat
You wipe your arse fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your arse and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Democratic shat
You blow up like the MOABs and claim no responsibility. In fact you blame others and launch bogus investigation aimed at excusing you from any knowledge of said blow up. You frame at least 3 others to hide you guilt and call them racist since said shat was brown.
The Second Wave shat
This shat happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shat some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose shat
Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead shat". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn shat
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log shat
The kind of shat that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Nororius Drinker shat
The kind of shat you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could shat" shat
The kind where you want to shat, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The Wet Cheeks shat
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your arse so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid shat
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Food shat
A class all on its own.
The Crowd Pleaser
This shat is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer
This shat occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This shat occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book Of Records shat
A shat so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock shat
This shat has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected.
The "Honeymoon's Over" shat
This is any shat created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner
A shat so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shat has been known to resurface after many flushings.
The Ranger
A shat which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom shat
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek-A-Boo shat
Now you see it, now you don't. This shat is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell
A shat that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shat (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shatting facilities.
The Snake Charmer
A long skinny shat which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Olympic shat
This shat occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's shat.
The Back-To-Nature shat
This shat may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven shat
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shat.
Premeditated shat
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
shatzopherenia
Fear of shatting - can be fatal!
Energizer Vs. Duracell shat
Also known as a "Still Going" shat.
The Power Dump shat
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
The Liquid Plumber shat
This kind of shat is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log shat.)
The Spinal Tap shat
The kind of shat that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The "I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My arsehole" shat
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap shats. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge shat
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" shat
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The "I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny" shat
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "What The h3ll Died In Here?" shat
Also sometimes referred to as "The Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There" shat
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
